November 8, 2011
Young Little Screamers!
Screamers
To live with a screamer is an experience unto itself. At times, I wonder who this creature is screaming in my house, such a far cry from her kind, loving way of being. To listen can be the most difficult thing to bear which warrants removal of me or her from the room. I give myself timeouts so that I can sit in quiet for a moment and gather my thoughts before making my next strategic move to calm the little monster down (I say that in a loving way). Her recent reason for screaming was she was quite tired which facilitated an ordered bath; it did the trick for her. Sometimes, a conversation works, but one thing remains the same. I do not allow the drama to continue, otherwise she is reinforced and it just gets worse. So all I can say is if you have a screamer, you are not alone. And for those who don’t, count your blessings.
For those children who have been screamers since birth and recently are at a peak, I feel your pain. No they do not scream all of the time, but even a couple times a week makes life a little more difficult. When they were younger, it would help to say, “Use Your Words,” and now, they Scream their words… It has been a habit that is hard to change and walks along side the whining.
I recently purchased a sign for my house that says “No Whining Allowed …… Ever”. I was hoping it would assist me in laying down the law. This was my experiment to see if I could tone down the whining and screaming. So far, I have received several responses on the chalk board next to it, saying, Boo Hoo, No Way, Not Fair, but I continue to point to the sign when I hear the Whining, which often can turn into screaming when I say No! It is too soon to see if there is a difference yet.
There are so many reasons behind screaming, guilt, fatigue, boredom, and often for no good reason, but then sometimes, they scream because they need to sort something important out and do not understand how to communicate it. This is what makes it hard for us parents to discriminate. I believe the answer is in discussing with your child after he/she has calmed down. Very often they are very straight forward and will say to you, “I don’t want to go to school because…” Please take them at their word and support them in facing the issue and finding a healthy solution. Obviously, there is something there that he/she is struggling with that you can support he/she on. Oh Yeah, and for those of you who hear the screaming coming from my house, you should know I hear your children screaming too!
January 16, 2010
Divorce and Autism: They don’t have to go hand in hand. A father’s struggle to heal his son, his family and beat the odds
Let me introduce myself. I’m Emerson Donnell. Born and raised in New Jersey I waited until my 40’s to have a child. Little did I know I was a perfect match, a statistical poster of the typical parent who sires an autistic child, (an older white male living in New Jersey, the state with the highest incidence of autism.) And little did I know after the birth of my son Emerson that my wife Jen and I were being railroaded right into the next widely accepted statistic. Supposedly over 80% of marriages that sire an autistic child end in divorce. 
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May 5, 2009
Do your children believe what you say? Francis McSweeny PHD.
Do your children believe what you say?
If you’re reading this I know you care about your children, yet your love and caring doesn’t insulate you from problems. Occasionally or more frequently, your children will not listen to you. Why is that? You’re a reasonable person making reasonable requests, yet they don’t listen. There are many reasons why that may happen. Sometimes it is merely and age thing. Infants don’t have the control over their behavior so I’m not talking about them. Older children are exploring their world and finding their limits. Children of any age are finding out the rules of life and in your home. They will push until they hit a wall that doesn’t move. That is why they behave for some people and not for others. You can explain the rules to them but rules aren’t rules unless they are enforced, and many parents are so busy that many rules are sometimes overlooked. If you tell them something is a rule, and sometimes they don’t follow the rule and nothing happens, then it is not a rule. The wall keeps moving. They learn that they don’t need to listen.
I’m talking about consistency and the same can apply to good things as well. Your four year-old may ask, “Mom, can we go to the park?” “Sounds like a good idea” you reply. Your daughter is talking about right now and you, on the other hand, recognize that there is no way you can go to the park now but sometime in the near future, hopefully, you will take her to the park. When she doesn’t get to the park that day and maybe for a few days your word loses its value.
When you don’t enforce rules or there are enough occasions when you seem to say “Yes” but life gets in the way of things working out the result is she doesn’t believe you. Sometimes you follow through and other times you don’t. In your world that is what happens when the million little things of life come into play. Your daughter lives in a black and white world of right now and you don’t. Consistency seems so easy when someone talks about its importance but for a parent it is more complicated. There is also a difference between consistency and rigidity.
Pay attention to what you say to your children. Don’t make more rules than you will enforce and be clear when you agree to do something. Be specific. You understand all the things that happen in your life, but your child only sees things from her point of view and young children only see things in the here and now. Your child will believe your word when you are consistent. When your child doesn’t believe you, behavioral problems can develop later on. More on that next time.
Loving your children is a great starting point for parenting.
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