Screamers

To live with a screamer is an experience unto itself.  At times, I wonder who this creature is screaming in my house, such a far cry from her kind, loving way of being.  To listen can be the most difficult thing to bear which warrants removal of me or her from the room.  I give myself timeouts so that I can sit in quiet for a moment and gather my thoughts before making my next strategic move to calm the little monster down (I say that in a loving way).  Her recent reason for screaming was she was quite tired which facilitated an ordered bath; it did the trick for her.  Sometimes, a conversation works, but one thing remains the same.  I do not allow the drama to continue, otherwise she is reinforced and it just gets worse.   So all I can say is if you have a screamer, you are not alone.  And for those who don’t, count your blessings. 

For those children who have been screamers since birth and recently are at a peak, I feel your pain.    No they do not scream all of the time, but even a couple times a week makes life a little more difficult.  When they were younger, it would help to say, “Use Your Words,” and now, they  Scream their words… It has been a habit that is hard to change and walks along side the whining. 

I recently purchased a sign for my house that says “No Whining Allowed ……  Ever”.  I was hoping it would assist me in laying down the law.  This was my experiment to see if I could tone down the whining and screaming.   So far, I have received several responses on the chalk board next to it, saying, Boo Hoo, No Way, Not Fair, but I continue to point to the sign when I hear the Whining, which often can turn into screaming when I say No!  It is too soon to see if there is a difference yet. 

There are so many reasons behind screaming, guilt, fatigue, boredom, and often for no good reason, but then sometimes, they scream because they need to sort something important out and do not understand how to communicate it.  This is what makes it hard for us parents to discriminate.  I believe the answer is in discussing with your child after he/she has calmed down.  Very often they are very straight forward and will say to you, “I don’t want to go to school because…”  Please take them at their word and support them in facing the issue and finding a healthy solution.  Obviously, there is something there that he/she is struggling with that you can support he/she on.   Oh Yeah, and for those of you who hear the screaming coming from my house, you should know I hear your children screaming too!

“What’s Up Down There?” No for real! So much does go on down there and things are constantly changing due to our hormonal cycles. It is confusing as it is, but then throw in pregnancy, and then… post pregnancy… and before you know it, menopause. Yes our schooling and sometimes our parents told us how the machinery works earlier in life but they did not explain the nuances in the body, the natural rhythms that create our own original experience and the fact that we all have similar issues. This becomes clear although we all have our own unique privates parts with their own needs.
Then there is the “orgasm.” I learned that a large percentage of women don’t have one! What about you ?
Well, I am here to let you know that whatever you experience, you are not alone, and Lissa Rankin is there to let you in on the secret in her book, What’s Up Down there? I love how she gets into sexuality, and orgasms, and even sex in your 80’s in this book. I laughed out loud so many times reading about her experiences with her patients.
But more importantly this book shared information that I was unwilling to discuss with friends (and I can say a lot!), information that helps you to understand your body better, information that lets you know you know you are normal.
The message she conveys is get to know your body, love your body and enjoy your sexuality. So if I had to review this book, I would say this is a must read for all women. It is one of the current books of our generation for our sexuality. So go , get to know thyself better! As Lissa would say, “Let’s talk about coochies and boobs.” Read it and let me know if you got anything out of it

Barbara Salvador has been recruiting for 20 years both in child care and corporate career industries, and is a parent of 2 beautiful girls. She truly understands the search for the right nanny is a journey – from the perspective of recruiting to the very personal decision of who will become part of your growing family. Check out her website at www.nannymama.com

Great Blog about where we are going with the babies and small cell devices  ….

I have a very good friend who is a nanny. Almost every time I see her, her iPhone is either scratched or has a broken screen because she lets the children she cares for play with it. It’s really no surprise. As we know from this study…

via Slobber Alert: Turn Your iPhone Into A Baby Toy.

“Before I fell pregnant I started to think about all of the women that I know who have struggled with conception. I am interested in superstition and how to instill my seemingly innate luckiness into an object that I could distribute to others. I wanted to create a symbol that embodied the essence of fertility. I began to paint this symbol with Japanese ink on Sumi paper. Then I fell pregnant…”

Conception is a 60 ft scroll of japanese rice paper that has been painted in a meditative state with a recurring symbol of fertility. This symbol has been distilled from various cultural/historical symbols of fertility such as the Venus of Willendorf, the circle (of life) and the celtic spiral. The sculptural form is itself a spiral and will be sectioned and distributed as lucky talismans to people who wish to conceive at the conclusion of the show. 
Tara de la Garza
www.taradelagarza.com

Conception is a 60 ft scroll of japanese rice paper that has been painted in a meditative state with a recurring symbol of fertility. This symbol has been distilled from various cultural/historical symbols of fertility such as the Venus of Willendorf, the circle (of life) and the celtic spiral. The sculptural form is itself a spiral and will be sectioned and distributed as lucky talismans to people who wish to conceive at the conclusion of the show. 
Tara de la Garza
www.taradelagarza.com
RIPE: conception and perception
Anonda Bell and Tara de la Garza
Opening reception Oct 23rd 7-10pm
Closing reception Dec 11th 7-10pm
Gallery Aferro
73 Market st, Newark, NJ

This whole Health Care Debate has me in a tizzy.  The question becomes even when we have health care for all, are we looking at the fine print,  and more importantly, what is the real issue here.  Much of this issue is the state of our health in the nation.  Juvenile diabetes is up, Up, UP!!  Why you say,… well just take a walk into one of your weekly birthday celebrations.    It is not enough for the children to run around and have little piece of cake.  But now they must be provided with soda, juice, and goody bags full of sweets.  No parent would ever deny a child more soda if they are thirsty, especially if it would make them look bad to other parents (do you know what is in a can of soda?)… and you know, these kids get thirsty.  I guess water is hardly an option anymore unless the child specifically asks for it.  Even at family celebrations, it is only polite to be serving cake, ice cream, and pastries for dessert.  Dessert is taken to the next level and the snacks on the shelf in the grocery store qualify for the same category as desserts when I grew up.  Parents profess to be aware, but when it comes to this celebration and that celebration we give in… it seems like every day!!  I do not claim to be perfect… far from it.    All I am saying is there is a lot of talk among parents agreeing on this but when it comes to focusing on your own children and family, it is hard to adjust.   That is when the health of our children gets worse, and worse. 

Get Informed -

Google It:

http://www.state.nj.us/health/fhs/shapingnj/partners.shtml

http://www.whale.to/v/sugar_q.html

http://www.facebook.com/SmartHabitsFans#!/SmartHabitsFans?v=wall

Get Cerebral:

http://www.techjackal.net/other/2010/04/22/sugar-is-not-so-sweet-for-your-health/

http://www.nature.com/oby/journal/v10/n6/full/oby200266a.html

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE63J69U20100420

http://www.princeton.edu/pr/news/02/q2/0620-hoebel.htm

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/health/2008/12/12/2008-12-12_sugar_as_addictive_as_cocaine_heroin_stu.html

The Heart of the Matter- Community Participation makes such a difference to your Town!  There is so many great things about supporting local farms.  Many local Farmers in NJ use much less pesticides!  WE are hoping to get an organic farmer for both vegetables, and for meats this year in Caldwell….

http://caldwells.thejerseytomatopress.com/detail/3308.html

Select a Pediatrician
Choosing the right pediatrician is one of the most important decisions you make prior to your baby’s birth. Getting personal referrals from friends and family is one of the best ways to narrow down your options before you start searching for further information. Consider both the logistical and philosophical aspects of the practice and pediatrician. Make sure all of the doctors you’re considering are taking on new patients and will accept your health insurance. Take time to speak or meet with prospective doctors.

Most offices will accommodate your request for an interview with the doctor.
A good time to start looking for a Pediatrician is seven to eight months
into your pregnancy. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) offers referrals to certified practitioners at www.aap.org/referral.
Get a Car Seat Inspection
Keeping your baby safe is one of the most important jobs you will
have as a parent, which is why using the proper car seat and installing it correctly are essential. The type of car seat you should use depends on several factors including the baby’s size and the type of car you drive. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that all infants should ride rear-facing until they reach the maximum height or weight allowed by the manufacturer. To learn more about car safety seats, go to www.aap.org/family/carseatguide.htm.
Be sure to have your car seat installed and inspected a few weeks before your due date. To find an inspection location near you, visit www.seatcheck.org.

Take a CPR Class
Learning how to correctly administer CPR to an infant before your baby’s birth can be a valuable life-saving technique. Performing CPR on an infant is very different from an adult and requires different levels of pressure. Classes are offered at hospitals, community centers and local chapters of the American Red Cross and American Heart Association. To find a class in your area, visit www.redcross.org or www.americanheart.org.
Consider Cord Blood Banking
Cord blood banking is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to collect and store your baby’s umbilical cord blood. Cord blood is a rich, non-controversial source of stem cells that is being used to treat over 70 life-threatening diseases. Many families bank their baby’s cord blood for peace of mind that their family’s stem cells are readily available should they need them. Others save cord blood because of its emerging use in treating Type 1 Diabetes and Cerebral Palsy, which requires a child’s own cord blood. Stem cells from a related source are the preferred option for all treatment, and transplants using cord blood from a family member are twice as successful as transplants using cord blood from a non-relative (i.e., a public source).1
Start researching cord blood banking during your second trimester and arrange the collection in advance – the only time collection can occur is at the time of delivery. Learn more about cord blood banking at www.parentsguidecordblood.org.

Make a Breastfeeding Decision
As a mother, one of the best things that only you can do for your baby is to breastfeed. Breastfeeding is more than a lifestyle choice — it is an important health choice. Any amount of time that you can do it will help both you and your baby. Breast milk has disease-fighting cells called antibodies that help protect infants from germs, illness, and even SIDS. Research also indicates that women who breastfeed may have lower rates of certain breast and ovarian cancers. Breast-feeding resources are available at www.womenshealth.gov/breastfeeding and www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding.
Taking a breastfeeding class before your baby arrives is a wonderful way to be prepared. To find a class, check with your OBGYN or visit La Leche League’s website at www.llli.org.
1 Gluckman, et al. New England Journal of Medicine, 1997; 337:373.

Let me introduce myself. I’m Emerson Donnell. Born and raised in New Jersey I waited until my 40’s to have a child. Little did I know I was a perfect match, a statistical poster of the typical parent who sires an autistic child, (an older white male living in New Jersey, the state with the highest incidence of autism.) And little did I know after the birth of my son Emerson that my wife Jen and I were being railroaded right into the next widely accepted statistic. Supposedly over 80% of marriages that sire an autistic child end in divorce. Some even say it’s more like 85%. First I wanted to verify if it was true, but in my research I could not validate this “statistic.” However, after being force fed into autism’s meat grinder of financial distress, anger, frustration and heartbreak I don’t doubt it for a second.
When Little Emerson was first diagnosed this specter of collateral damage was relegated as not only unavoidable but something my wife and I simply had to surrender to. I remember wondering why wasn’t anyone addressing this? What’s going wrong and where are the books to help families hold it together? When too many soldiers die on a battle field the commanders and strategists don’t just shrug their shoulders and say “oh well.” No, they sit down, figure out what’s going wrong and set plans to prevent it from happening again.
Now there are many reasons why families divorce even when nothing so tragic happens, but one glaring cause seemed to be revealed from recent research. And I can attest to the findings because I was living this very experience. Recent studies from the University of Florida found most families fall apart because Dads check out. Furthermore, it wasn’t due to the fact his child was autistic, it was how autism was affecting his relationship with the child. They couldn’t connect. It’s not that dads didn’t want to connect, it was that they didn’t know how.
Here’s my personal example of how the nuclear family stricken with autism can suddenly disintegrate. As most dads, I had warm Christmas like visions of my son running to my arms when coming home from a hard day’s work. But every night when I came through the door my hands were left empty. My son was deaf, blind and emotionless to my arrival. There was no response whatsoever. His indifference crushed my very foundation of fatherhood. Autism is so insidious, it can seep into the family fabric and begin to tear it apart before you even realize it’s there. After his diagnosis, I discovered this was very typical of an autistic child, but it still didn’t lessen the pain. Night after night I came home, got into my son’s face and vied for his attention. Inside I begged for some response, anything, a quick glimpse back or maybe even a smile, but each night was the same. I couldn’t rip him out of his thousand mile stare. I was lost. After another night of irrelevance, I remember tossing my car keys on the counter and cursing under my breath. My evening was ruined again and my behavior was about set the whole house into another emotional tailspin. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t help but become more detached as hopelessness and depression set in. It’s not that I didn’t want to connect with my son, it was that I didn’t know how. I was becoming overwhelmed, I wanted to “fix” the situation, but had no idea how to go about it.
A father wanting to connect with his child for his own fulfillment may sound like a selfish endeavor, that he’s not thinking of the child’s best interests. But on the contrary. Creating bonds and developing proper emotional responses to a parent may be arguably the most important therapy a child can receive. Recent studies found that when a father learned to connect with his child and “stay in the game” the child’s vocabulary typically increased by over 50%! Furthermore, developing affectionate behaviors early on can help break through the gray shell of autism and bring out the colorful humanity hidden within these children. As a wonderful side effect, learning to connect will help weave the family fabric back together.
This all sounds great, but if you’re a parent struggling with this very problem, I imagine your thinking, so where do I begin? There are so many areas to work on but let’s get down to the nitty-gritty, and revisit the above scenario of family greetings.

Coming home at the end of the day and trying to get into your child’s face in the hope of a reaction is basically a formula for failure. It may not sound very fun, but being calculating and pragmatic is the best approach. The goal here is to get your child out of his world and for your arrival and presence to be relevant to him.

As with any other ABA program you may have to first physically prompt him, but the key is to get the child physically involved in the greeting process. 1. Call your spouse ahead of time so he or she can prepare the environment. Turn the TV off, get any food or drink out of the child’s hands. Start to talk about “Daddy coming home,” and physically get him facing the door. By doing this you are narrowing down distractions and setting up the environment. Dads (or Mom – whomever is coming home) should not simply walk through the door, but knock on the door, call his child’s name. If the child does not respond, mom should help the child walk to the door, physically prompt him to open the door if necessary. (Do not just pick up the child or open the door for them. The goal is to get them involved and participating). Dad should be bent down at his level and come in with a hug. 

As a major note, do not expect this to all go smoothly. To put it lightly pulling an autistic child out of his comfort zone to participate in normal affectionate behaviors can be a battle of wills. Expect melt downs, flopping and resistance, but this is unfortunately a natural process of acclimating autistic children to our world. One day may not better than the last, but chances are you will begin to see progress through weeks and months.  Also, like other ABA regimens, developing this behavioral habit of coming to the door at the sound of a parent’s voice, opening it and embracing will be infinitely easier to ingrain when they are younger. Autistic children are known for developing “habits” and creating these specific types of habits can have profound positive effects. Though they may not have the capacity to understand the intrinsic good feeling of an embrace, I have found it can be taught and may blossom back in ways never imagined.  Finally getting your child to independently run to the door at the sound of your voice will be priceless.  This is the stuff that keeps families together working for more.

You may find more information on developing proper emotional behaviors and affection in autistic children in the new book: Dads And Autism, How To Stay In The Game, by Emerson Donnell. It is available on Amazon or directly from www.dadsandautism.com

Most expectant parents & grandparents are not aware that they can save their baby’s cord blood, and these precious life saving cells are simply thrown away at birth.

Make sure you take the time to educate yourself because birth is the only opportunity you have to collect these lifesaving cells.
You can click here www.brainshark.com/viacord/kerielkin to watch a cord blood presentation.

You have 3 choices for what to do with the umbilical cord cells…to
discard, to donate, or to bank it.  If you ever need the stem cells & you donated or discarded it, it will cost you $30,000 to get one (if you can even get one).

It’s sad with science progressing everyday that someone would choose not to do this for their family/baby/siblings.  Cord blood stem cells are currently being used to treat over 70+ different diseases (ie. cancers like Leukemia, blood disorders, genetic diseases and immune system deficiencies, including diabetes, heart disease and stroke).

Interview with Tanisha Day on going back to the workforce.

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Factors to consider before going back.