I am been doing teleclasses for parents and educators on how to keep children safe from predators. I am doing a live talk in NYC on 12/8 at the Museum of Motherhood. Please let your contacts know. They can register for the free event below.

Thanks in advance.

Jill Starishevsky
Prosecutor, Child Abuse/Sex Crimes
Author, My Body Belongs to Me

http://www.MyBodyBelongstoMe.com

646-262-7418

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/video/talking-kids-sexual-abuse-10255396 http://keepingchildrensafe-efbevent.eventbrite.com/

Screamers

To live with a screamer is an experience unto itself.  At times, I wonder who this creature is screaming in my house, such a far cry from her kind, loving way of being.  To listen can be the most difficult thing to bear which warrants removal of me or her from the room.  I give myself timeouts so that I can sit in quiet for a moment and gather my thoughts before making my next strategic move to calm the little monster down (I say that in a loving way).  Her recent reason for screaming was she was quite tired which facilitated an ordered bath; it did the trick for her.  Sometimes, a conversation works, but one thing remains the same.  I do not allow the drama to continue, otherwise she is reinforced and it just gets worse.   So all I can say is if you have a screamer, you are not alone.  And for those who don’t, count your blessings. 

For those children who have been screamers since birth and recently are at a peak, I feel your pain.    No they do not scream all of the time, but even a couple times a week makes life a little more difficult.  When they were younger, it would help to say, “Use Your Words,” and now, they  Scream their words… It has been a habit that is hard to change and walks along side the whining. 

I recently purchased a sign for my house that says “No Whining Allowed ……  Ever”.  I was hoping it would assist me in laying down the law.  This was my experiment to see if I could tone down the whining and screaming.   So far, I have received several responses on the chalk board next to it, saying, Boo Hoo, No Way, Not Fair, but I continue to point to the sign when I hear the Whining, which often can turn into screaming when I say No!  It is too soon to see if there is a difference yet. 

There are so many reasons behind screaming, guilt, fatigue, boredom, and often for no good reason, but then sometimes, they scream because they need to sort something important out and do not understand how to communicate it.  This is what makes it hard for us parents to discriminate.  I believe the answer is in discussing with your child after he/she has calmed down.  Very often they are very straight forward and will say to you, “I don’t want to go to school because…”  Please take them at their word and support them in facing the issue and finding a healthy solution.  Obviously, there is something there that he/she is struggling with that you can support he/she on.   Oh Yeah, and for those of you who hear the screaming coming from my house, you should know I hear your children screaming too!

Children’s Story for the young ones…

Artie has written over 20 children’s stories, and that is just the tip of the iceberg.  Although he has a passion for film and writing, he also has a different career in Human Resources by day…  it is amazing how far your passion can take you.  This story speaks to children’s eating habits.  We laid it out here Artie’s 9th published story…

The Story

“Alex, your brother ate everything on his plate. Why don’t you be a good boy too and eat your dinner?”

“But I’m not hungry,” said Alex.

“Okay, I guess you won’t be hungry for sweets then,” said Alex’s Mom.

Alex’s Mom walked over to the countertop and brought over the most mouth-watering, tasty looking dessert you ever did see.

“Okay, who wants a piece of chocolate cake?”

Before anyone else at the table could utter a single word, Alex blurted out, “Me, me, me, me, me!”

“Alex, you just said you’re not hungry,” said Alex’s Mom. “How could you possibly want a piece of cake?”

“I just got hungry all of a sudden,” said Alex.

“Good, I bet you’re ready to eat your peas and carrots then.”

“I’m not hungry for them. I’ll just have a piece of cake please,” said Alex.

“Alex, it doesn’t work that way. To get a piece of cake you’ll have to eat your dinner first.”

“But I don’t want too!”

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to call it a night,” said Alex’s Dad. “You’re excused from the table, Alex. Brush your teeth and get to bed young man.”

“Yes, sir,” replied Alex.

As Alex stood up from the table, his brother pretended to be flying an airplane. After a bite of chocolate cake made a safe landing in his brother’s mouth, Alex ran out of the room as fast as he could. Being sent to bed without having dessert was tough enough, but being teased by his brother is what really took the cake.

After he brushed his teeth and climbed into bed, Alex found it hard to fall asleep that night. His stomach roared like an angry lion and he felt dizzy.

“I am so hungry,” Alex said aloud.

Alex felt weak. The room was spinning!

As he made his way to the kitchen, Alex could hardly wait to sneak a nice big piece of chocolate cake. He knew that would make him feel better. But when Alex opened the refrigerator door he was shocked to see a crocodile swimming in a jar of pickles. The crocodile looked mean and appeared ready to attack. Alex slammed the refrigerator door and cried out, “Help me! Please help me!”

Alex’s cry for help woke everyone in his family up. His parents and brother rushed to see what was wrong.

“What’s going on Alex?” asked Alex’s Dad. “Why are you up at this time of night?”

Alex hid behind the kitchen table as he pointed to the refrigerator and said, “Daddy, there’s a crocodile in our pickle jar.”

“There’s a what?” asked Alex’s Mom.

“I saw it! It’s in there,” said Alex. “There’s a crocodile in our pickle jar!”

As Alex’s Mom and brother joined him behind the kitchen table, Alex’s Dad opened the refrigerator door. He grabbed the jar of pickles.

“Please get it out of here,” cried Alex.

Alex’s Dad reached into the pickle jar and took a huge bite out of the crocodile.

“Wow,” said Alex’s Dad. “This isn’t sweet. When did we get dill pickles?”

“What’s going on?” asked Alex. “Where’s the crocodile? I saw it move. It showed me its teeth.”

After Alex was reassured everything was okay, his parents reminded him of how important food was for energy. Alex’s empty stomach was why he had felt dizzy and weak; and when you feel that way your eyes can play tricks on you. So you see, there never was a crocodile in the pickle jar that night! The next evening when Alex’s Mom told everyone there was plenty of leftover chocolate cake for dessert, Alex was the only one who didn’t want any. He was too stuffed. Three helpings of broccoli will do that.

The End

What are your favorite stories to read to your toddler(s) ?

To contact Artie, go to his site. If you are interested in writing a story for my site, contact me.

Advantages of Homeschooling

For the last five months, with the help of my partner and support of my ex-husband, we’ve been homeschooling our 8 and 10-year-old children and taking advantage of the many advantages of this approach.  The kids were previously attending a very good private school with a devoted and hard-working staff, so it wasn’t as if we were dissatisfied with their efforts. I do feel, however, that I am able to give them more personalized attention tailored to their specific needs than a teacher who is managing a larger group and working within the constraints of a set curriculum. Being able to focus on the children’s specific needs within each subject and provide the individual coaching they require throughout the process allows them to progress at their own pace. As such, they don’t need to spend their “after-school” hours in tutoring for extra support or doing additional homework to ensure they master the skills. This allows the children more opportunity to pursue their own interests, and we still have enough time most days to prepare and enjoy homemade meals together, an activity that is important to me.  

The Benefits of Managing your own Schedule

I really appreciate the flexibility this approach allows us. We can stay up late one night watching an educational DVD, engrossed in a compelling book, or enjoying a musical or theatre performance and know that we can adjust our schedule the next day to make up for the lost sleep. We can take advantage of opportunities to visit museums and various exhibits when they aren’t crowded and vacation when it is most affordable, convenient, and again, least crowded. And we’re able to take extended trips to places we visit because we can bring our work along and study wherever we are (as we’re currently doing in Florida, where my parents live).

The World is our School

I like being able to expose my children to real-life learning opportunities on a regular basis. When I need to take them along to the bank, for example, we end up talking about budgeting and managing money and how checking and saving accounts work. We inevitably have the most interesting conversations when the children’s interest is piqued by an experience that allows them to see the practical impact of how the world operates. It isn’t that we couldn’t talk about these things when they were in school, but there does seem to be much more time and energy for it now. As we run two businesses from our home, the children get intimate daily exposure to our working lives as well, which has prompted them to initiate projects that have turned into great educational opportunities. For example, when my partner, a professional photographer, was gearing up for holiday sales of his work last year, the children were inspired to set up a “store” for their own artwork. This activity led to numerous discussions about all aspects of the entrepreneurial process and resulted in my son selling one of his drawings to someone who attended one of our business events.

I don’t know how long we’ll continue homeschooling, because we will ultimately do what’s best for the children from year to year, but it’s truly been an education for all of us. 

Feedback

Would you homeschool?

by Tricia Gruswitz

I am a parent, maybe like you, cherishing the moments that my kids are still young and obsessing over making the right decisions for them while I still have some say.    Our plan is for them to become young adults who succeed at everything- math, language, science, arts, social skills, teamwork, emotional handling, self-esteem, discipline, drive, and on and on. How do we help make all that happen? Dare I say… music lessons!

Music and Life

I know from the hundreds of students I’ve watched grow and through my own personal experiences that studying music can dramatically affect the path a person chooses in all parts of life. A child taking music lessons develops self-discipline and drive with a practice regimen and short and long-term goals. Adding private lessons on top of school lessons turns your child’s favorite class into the place where they are the star student, encouraging confidence that spreads into everything they do. Hard work turns into acceptance in state and regional ensembles – an ideal way to spend after-school time. Plus, when my kids reach the age when their friends have a bigger influence than I do, I will be grateful that they are in the company of other music kids, stereotyped to have all the qualities I listed above. College acceptances and scholarships soon follow. A whopping 66% of music majors who apply to medical school are admitted – the highest percentage of any group – surpassing even pre-med and science. Musical kids frequently amaze us.

Most likely, you are the parent of a musical child. You already know all of the invaluable benefits of music. You are raising doctors, writers, scholars, composers, performers, and presidents, and music professionals like myself are grateful to take a meaningful part in this.

Tricia Gruswitz is the strings and piano teacher and owner of the Olive Tree Music Studio in Andover, Morristown, Montclair and Flemington, NJ. She has over ten years of experience in developing musician’s confidence, and challenging them to reach and achieve high goals in music and life. Trish and her network of music educators are happily accepting new students. Contact her at tricia@olivetreemusicstudio.com

Feedback

What do you think?

Emerson is getting the word out and folks are catching on.  Check out this article on Marraige and Emerson’s family on CNN.  Check out more discussions from Emerson on our blog.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/05/19/autism.divorce.rates/index.html?iref=allsearch

This whole Health Care Debate has me in a tizzy.  The question becomes even when we have health care for all, are we looking at the fine print,  and more importantly, what is the real issue here.  Much of this issue is the state of our health in the nation.  Juvenile diabetes is up, Up, UP!!  Why you say,… well just take a walk into one of your weekly birthday celebrations.    It is not enough for the children to run around and have little piece of cake.  But now they must be provided with soda, juice, and goody bags full of sweets.  No parent would ever deny a child more soda if they are thirsty, especially if it would make them look bad to other parents (do you know what is in a can of soda?)… and you know, these kids get thirsty.  I guess water is hardly an option anymore unless the child specifically asks for it.  Even at family celebrations, it is only polite to be serving cake, ice cream, and pastries for dessert.  Dessert is taken to the next level and the snacks on the shelf in the grocery store qualify for the same category as desserts when I grew up.  Parents profess to be aware, but when it comes to this celebration and that celebration we give in… it seems like every day!!  I do not claim to be perfect… far from it.    All I am saying is there is a lot of talk among parents agreeing on this but when it comes to focusing on your own children and family, it is hard to adjust.   That is when the health of our children gets worse, and worse. 

Get Informed -

Google It:

http://www.state.nj.us/health/fhs/shapingnj/partners.shtml

http://www.whale.to/v/sugar_q.html

http://www.facebook.com/SmartHabitsFans#!/SmartHabitsFans?v=wall

Get Cerebral:

http://www.techjackal.net/other/2010/04/22/sugar-is-not-so-sweet-for-your-health/

http://www.nature.com/oby/journal/v10/n6/full/oby200266a.html

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE63J69U20100420

http://www.princeton.edu/pr/news/02/q2/0620-hoebel.htm

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/health/2008/12/12/2008-12-12_sugar_as_addictive_as_cocaine_heroin_stu.html

Select a Pediatrician
Choosing the right pediatrician is one of the most important decisions you make prior to your baby’s birth. Getting personal referrals from friends and family is one of the best ways to narrow down your options before you start searching for further information. Consider both the logistical and philosophical aspects of the practice and pediatrician. Make sure all of the doctors you’re considering are taking on new patients and will accept your health insurance. Take time to speak or meet with prospective doctors.

Most offices will accommodate your request for an interview with the doctor.
A good time to start looking for a Pediatrician is seven to eight months
into your pregnancy. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) offers referrals to certified practitioners at www.aap.org/referral.
Get a Car Seat Inspection
Keeping your baby safe is one of the most important jobs you will
have as a parent, which is why using the proper car seat and installing it correctly are essential. The type of car seat you should use depends on several factors including the baby’s size and the type of car you drive. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that all infants should ride rear-facing until they reach the maximum height or weight allowed by the manufacturer. To learn more about car safety seats, go to www.aap.org/family/carseatguide.htm.
Be sure to have your car seat installed and inspected a few weeks before your due date. To find an inspection location near you, visit www.seatcheck.org.

Take a CPR Class
Learning how to correctly administer CPR to an infant before your baby’s birth can be a valuable life-saving technique. Performing CPR on an infant is very different from an adult and requires different levels of pressure. Classes are offered at hospitals, community centers and local chapters of the American Red Cross and American Heart Association. To find a class in your area, visit www.redcross.org or www.americanheart.org.
Consider Cord Blood Banking
Cord blood banking is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to collect and store your baby’s umbilical cord blood. Cord blood is a rich, non-controversial source of stem cells that is being used to treat over 70 life-threatening diseases. Many families bank their baby’s cord blood for peace of mind that their family’s stem cells are readily available should they need them. Others save cord blood because of its emerging use in treating Type 1 Diabetes and Cerebral Palsy, which requires a child’s own cord blood. Stem cells from a related source are the preferred option for all treatment, and transplants using cord blood from a family member are twice as successful as transplants using cord blood from a non-relative (i.e., a public source).1
Start researching cord blood banking during your second trimester and arrange the collection in advance – the only time collection can occur is at the time of delivery. Learn more about cord blood banking at www.parentsguidecordblood.org.

Make a Breastfeeding Decision
As a mother, one of the best things that only you can do for your baby is to breastfeed. Breastfeeding is more than a lifestyle choice — it is an important health choice. Any amount of time that you can do it will help both you and your baby. Breast milk has disease-fighting cells called antibodies that help protect infants from germs, illness, and even SIDS. Research also indicates that women who breastfeed may have lower rates of certain breast and ovarian cancers. Breast-feeding resources are available at www.womenshealth.gov/breastfeeding and www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding.
Taking a breastfeeding class before your baby arrives is a wonderful way to be prepared. To find a class, check with your OBGYN or visit La Leche League’s website at www.llli.org.
1 Gluckman, et al. New England Journal of Medicine, 1997; 337:373.

Interview with Tanisha Day on going back to the workforce.

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Factors to consider before going back.

Every child’s autism is different and unique, however, there are also many common traits. One of the most frustrating and dangerous is what I call the deaf run. This is where the child will bolt from a parent’s hand for some desired object. Normal children do this as well, however, many autistic children are particularly talented at ignoring their parents. They also may be quite fixated on a particular item or object which acts as a terrible distraction when attempting a therapy session. For instance I remember seeing a four year old bolt from his chair to go push a spring loaded door open so he could watch it automatically shut. The therapist repeatedly chased him down, took him by the arm and brought him back to the desk in an attempt to get the child reengaged at the task at hand. Of course the child resisted, flopped and whined making the time spent on therapy little more than a complete waste of time. I saw this as a terribly missed opportunity.

Personally I remember my son, Emerson, bolting from my hands to run for a small creek behind our house. He loved it down there and I provided every opportunity to go. Problem was he got so excited he would simply run and leave me in the dust.  I had to perpetually chase him down and try to reign him in, but nothing seemed to work. I wanted so desperately to connect, but I had no idea how to go about it. 

Most any parent of an autistic child can tell a similar heartbreaking story of  how their child runs off, ignores their attempts of eye contact or any acknowledgement of their voice. So why not use this object of desire to connect, incite eye contact, develop speech and get a little joy all at once? Here’s how. 

Let’s take the incident of the little boy running for the spring loaded door. Imagine the therapist engaging with the boy’s desire instead of repeatedly trying to redirect him. By turning him toward the door, bending down and getting her face up into his, she asks if he wants to “go?” Depending on the child’s verbal ability this can be expanded on. If you are just inciting speech, this is a great opportunity to have their undivided attention to learn how to request for something.  Teaching a child a word like “go” involves action on their part and attempting to incite speech on something that is so desired and relevant to them will typically be much easier. The child will most likely be looking right through you towards the desired object, but guess what, now you’re becoming naturally integrated into their world.  If they can’t talk, perhaps you may get them to point or even partially speak. One other thing I did with Emerson was to verbally count down with my fingers in front of his face, “one, two three!” before bolting towards the creek.  It took some time, but after repeated exercises, his little fingers began to move as he was attempting to count.  Here’s a trick, once you say “go!” run backwards and watch the joy on their face as they bolt free towards the desired object. At three years old it was perhaps the first time I saw a wide smile and lucid glimpse from my son’s beautiful blue eyes.

For the therapist, this exercise can be repeatedly done as a game of sorts, each time bending down, counting down, getting the child to communicate in some way their desire to go toward the object. And each bolt for the door will be met with giggles and laughs instead of a firm grips and words to redirect them back.

Sometimes the best therapy involves the use of  things you never imagined like the spring loaded door. But at the end of the day, developing that happy connection can be arguably the most important therapy of all. Developing that connection cracks open those ever so small windows for communication and makes way for other more formal therapies.    

Contributed by Emerson B. Donnell III, Author of Dads And Autism, How To Stay In The Game.  For more tips and more in-depth discussions on how to connect with your autistic child, the book is available on Amazon and www.dadsandautism.com.